I posted yesterday that a young girl, Mariana Mitchell, had taken her own life. I didn’t know that the death of someone you didn’t know could affect you but I now realize that it can. The last couple of days have brought back some painful memories because a friend of mine also committed suicide by hanging himself. It happened over a year ago now but it feels as thought it was just yesterday.
I have heard people say that taking your own life is selfish and that it is the coward’s way out. I think if they knew what it was like to be in that situation – to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, to feel so alone, to be in so much pain that you can’t see any other way out – if they knew what it was like then they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
I know what it is like as I have been there a few times myself when my depression was at it’s worst. While I never actually attempted it I really did consider it. I even went so far as to plan and get everything ready but when it came down to actually doing it I couldn’t. Not because I was scared but because I couldn’t bear to put my children through the pain. I also know what it is like to be on the receiving end of suicide you see.
Someone very special to me attempted suicide 5 times in a 10 year period. Luckily he wasn’t successful. I don’t think I will ever forget how scared I was after each attempt. How I sat by his hospital bed willing him to pull through. How I always wondered if today would be the day that he would try it again – and succeed. They aren’t happy memories but it’s not my place to judge so I don’t.
Last night we took flowers to Mariana’s house. She was an extremely pretty 13 year old girl who lived a road up from us and went to school with my children. I don’t know the circumstances behind her decision but reading all the messages she has received on Facebook you can tell how loved and popular she was.
I don’t think I can even begin to imagine what her parents are going through. It’s not natural for a parent to bury their child. It’s not the way things are supposed to happen. In situations like this you feel so helpless. You wish there was something you could do to make things better but you know that there isn’t. All I can do is pray and have faith that God will help them through this terrible tragedy.
Rest in Peace Mariana.