Friday, 20 August 2010
I'm chubby and I'm proud!
I didn't write this but it made me laugh and, being a 'fattie' myself I agree with it 100%.
Thats right folks. I'm chubby and I'm proud!
Ever since I was a small boy, all I ever wanted was a pair of boobs of my own to play with. And now, after a fortune in beer and kebabs, I have them!
But thats not all. No. We're mocked constantly for having wobbly bits where other people have solid bits. We're laughed at for knowing the prices of the vanilla slices in Greggs (52p). We get pointed at by people who have to wear belts to keep their size 12 pants up. But no more, I say! Here's some facts.
1. A fat person will last longer in the desert than a skinny person, because our fat will keep us sustained - much like a camel. Plus, we'd eat the skinny person.
2. A fat person will last longer in the arctic than a skinny person, because our fat will keep us insulated - much like a polar bear. Plus, we'd eat the skinny person.
3. Women are meant to have CURVES. If you walk into a wall and your ribs hit the wall before your stomach, you need to eat more pies, love.
4. "The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'". Spinal Tap sang that, and Spinal Tap are GODLIKE, so it must be true.
5. You have more chance of having a heart attack on a treadmill than you do sitting on the sofa watching The Simpsons.
6. What would you rather cuddle up to at night? A silk pillow, or a toast rack? Exactly.
What more proof do you skinnies need? Chubby people are awesome, and pies are the food of the Gods. So tuck in! There's plenty to go around!