What to do when your world falls apart

When suffering a setback, you get a rush of thoughts and emotions and try everything to stop them, but they keep flooding in. Try this simple five-step process for a potentially rapid recovery from emotional shock.

First feel
Give yourself time to really feel what you're feeling. We're socialised to block out our emotions, to pretend that we're not hurt, scared, angry etc. and so we habitually don't' give ourselves the space to be real with what's happening to us.

This makes things worse, because the only way to free yourself of an emotion is to feel it fully. Pushing it down just makes it grow. So take time out and really allow yourself to feel. It may be scary but keep at it. It's the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Then, adjust your mindset
"Remember that all setbacks are there to help you learn and grow" says Dr. Lisa Turner of Psycademy, a specialist in personal transformation. "So as your emotions ease off, start asking yourself some empowering questions."

She suggests:
How can I change this?
What do I need to learn from this?
How can I use this situation to grow bigger than this problem?

"Everything that happens has its root cause somewhere in the past" says Dr Lisa. "Ask the right questions and you can move away from being 'problem focused' to feeling OK, no matter what's going on."

Trust in the power of trust
Try developing a sense of trust that all is well. It takes practice and perseverance. Be warned: your ego mind is going to put up a fight! It wants to see problems everywhere and keep you 'small.'

What makes conscious people the happy folk they are is that they believe - and know through direct experience - that despite appearances, everything is unfolding just as it needs to. You will recover.

Look for the hidden opportunity
The late Napoleon Hill, an American expert in positive mental attitude, said that opportunity usually comes disguised as a setback. So dig a bit deeper and find the hidden opportunity. Meditation can help.

"If you do this, you'll be one of a rare set of people who do – and those rare few end up being the successful ones" says Dr Lisa.

Get expert support
Consider doing some personal development work to improve your emotional resilience. Just like exercising to get a better body, you can boost your emotional and mental strength with therapy and/or coaching, which is specifically designed to move you forward.

What I have learnt this week

The lessons that I have learnt this week:

·         It’s ok to admit that you were wrong and to be the first to apologise.

·         I am better off without the person who pretends to be my friend.

 

LESSON 1

It’s ok to admit that you were wrong and to be the first to apologise.

We haven’t spoken for over 2 years but I woke up on Thursday morning and I just knew that I had to contact you.  I needed to tell you that I was sorry for acting like a crazy bitch all those years ago.  I needed you to know how sorry I was about everything that happened between us.  I needed you to know that I don’t hate you and that I could never hate you.  I don’t expect you to reply but you knowing how sorry I am feels as though a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I finally feel at peace for the first time in a long time. 

LESSON 2

I am better off without the person who pretends to be my friend.

I feel as though I have been betrayed by someone who I thought was a really good friend.  I found out a little while ago that this person had slagged me off behind my back and it really hurt.  I didn’t say anything to her.  I don’t like confrontation and I didn’t think it would bother me as much as it is.  Over the last couple of weeks other things have happened and been said and I have now come to realize that this person isn’t actually a friend.  It hurts a great deal because I trusted her but I am glad that I now know where I stand.  I also know that I am free to choose what kind of people I have in my life and that this is definitely the kind that I don’t want.

Reflections

My personal development and spiritual journey has really changed the way that I view life and I finally feel in control of my own thoughts and emotions which in itself is a great achievement. 

Before I get out of bed in the morning I spend at least 5 minutes praying.  I pray for my family and friends.  I pray for Zimbabwe.  I ask God to help me achieve my full potential throughout the day.  I then spent another 5 minutes expressing my gratitude for all the wonderful things / people that I have in my life – my children, the fact that I have more than enough food to eat, my job which enables me to pay my bills and keep a roof over our heads, my nice warm bed etc..

This is a technique I learned from Louise L Hay and I find that it really helps set me up for the day.  I don’t rush around like a mad woman, I take the time to appreciate the beauty of life and I find that things don’t get to me as much.  For example:

I got to the car park last night only to realize that someone had scratched my car.  They’d obviously misjudged their distance when opening their door and slammed theirs into mine.  As a result of this I now have a nice red scratch down my car.  Did I freak out about it?  Did I cry, swear and get really angry?  No.  It had already happened.  No amount of me being upset or angry would make it magically disappear.  I also realized that the person who did it probably didn’t do it on purpose.  It was an accident.  I have a scratch on my car.  So what? 

Another thing happened regarding my car.  I need a new clutch.  I am taking it in this afternoon and am going to have to pay + - £200.00.  Money I don’t have to spear.  Am I going to let it ruin my week – end?  No!    

So, I have a scratch on my car and faulty clutch.  So what?  Am I going to let it ruin my life?  No!  Shit happens – you can’t sweat the small stuff.

I have sat back and watched & listened these last couple of days and I have come to the conclusion that as human beings we feel it our given right to moan and complain about everything and anything.

For example, last night Facebook was down and you couldn’t log on for a couple of hours.  As soon as people were able to log on again they just went mental.  Seriously, if not being able to log on to Facebook is the biggest concern in your life then you are very lucky coz there are people out there with more serious concerns and yet they don’t make a big song and dance about it.

Some of these people are dying, some are starving, some are wondering where they will sleep tonight, some are frightened for their lives, some can’t afford to send their children to school.  Some can’t remember when they last had a decent meal, some don’t have a nice warm bed to sleep in.... it kind of puts things into perspective.

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal.  We focus on little problems and concerns and we blow them way out of proportion.  So many people spend so much of their time sweating the small stuff that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of life.

Positive thinking

Roy Bennett

About Roy Bennett:

Roy Leslie Bennett (born 16 February 1957) is a Zimbabwean politician and former colonial policeman who is also a former member of the House of Assembly of Zimbabwe for the seat of Chimanimani, where he is affectionately known as Pachedu (loosely translated as "Between Us"). He is currently the Treasurer of the Movement for Democratic Change party led by Morgan Tsvangirai.

He was one of three white parliamentarians elected in the 2000 Parliamentary election, despite the constituency seeing intimidation against MDC voters by supporters of Zanu-PF. During the campaign his wife and family were physically attacked.


Imprisonment:

In 2004 Justice Minister Patrick Chinamasa told Bennett in Parliament that Bennett's Charleswood Estate in Chimanimani would be taken by the government and resettled. Chinamasa then said:

“

Mr. Bennett has not forgiven the government for acquiring his farm, but he forgets that his forefathers were thieves and murderers.[1]

”

Bennett stood up and walked towards Chinamasa, shouting, "Unoda kundijairira iwewe! Unoda kuti ndiite sei? (Shona: Don't think you can get away with trying to take advantage of me! What do you want me to do?!) ^[2] Bennett grabbed the collar of Chinamasa's shirt and wrestled him to the floor. He then tried unsuccessfully to punch Anti-Corruption Minister Didymus Mutasa who responded by kicking him. Other MPs then took out guns and threatened to start shooting if they did not stop fighting. The Sergeant at Arms escorted Bennett out of the chamber. Deputy Speaker Edna Madzongwe ejected Nelson Chamisa and Willias Madzimure for their involvement in the fight.^[1]
The Crisis in Zimbabwe Coalition condemned the actions of Bennett and Chinamasa.^[1]
A bill of attainder was then passed with even the MDC being part of the parliamentary committee to investigate that incident imprisoning him for 15 months.

Release:

On 28 June 2005, Bennett was released from Chikurubi Prison after spending eight months of his twelve-month sentence in custody. It is standard prison procedure to commute a third of any sentence for good behaviour. He told reporters he had been made to stand naked in front of prison guards and was then given a prison uniform covered with human excrement when he arrived in jail. He denounced prison conditions generally in a press conference after his release, saying "The inhumanity with which the prisoners are treated and their total lack of recourse to any representation or justice combined with the filth and stench of daily life is something I will never forget and I will not rest until their conditions are improved."
Bennett declared his desire to continue in politics, saying "I am more determined than ever to continue to strive for a better Zimbabwe for all Zimbabweans, the current oppression cannot continue for much longer and sooner, rather than later, the people will assert their rights." He also said that if the opportunity arose and the people for Chimanimani asked him to, he would stand as their representative again.

Just released from Jail

Subsequent developments:

During the MDC split over the proposed boycott of elections to the Zimbabwe Senate in 2005, Bennett sided with MDC President Morgan Tsvangirai in support of the boycott.
Roy Bennett previously lived in South Africa as a refugee. His application for asylum was initially rejected by the South African Department of Immigration. On 13 May 2007, the South African government accepted his asylum request.^[3]
During his time in exile, he had an active role in activism for Zimbabwe and particularly the MDC in South Africa. In 2007 he became the treasurer general for the main stream faction of the MDC lead by Morgan Tsvangirai. He was also a spokesmen in South Africa and made regular interviews on behalf of the MDC.
During Robert Mugabe's 84th Birthday celebrations at the border area of Beitbridge before the 2008 election, Roy Bennett led a demonstration on the South African side of the border against the President. Among his words were:

AND THEN BEGIN AGAIN

It takes a lot of courage
It calls for strength of mind
To make a new beginning
And leave the past behind
To build upon the ruins
To dream another dream
To set forth into the darkness
Towards some distant gleam
It takes a fighting spirit
A brave and dauntless heart
To lose, to cut the loses
And make another start
To suffer many hardships
Yet faithful to remain
To rise above disaster
And then begin again

"We are gathered here after many years of suffering, while across the river, after 28 years, a man who is now 84 years old, is having a birthday party. A birthday party while everybody around him is starving and dying. There's no electricity, there are no roads, there are no jobs, there's no education, there's no medical, there's no nothing. He is spending 300,000 US dollars to have a birthday party."^[4]

Return:

At the end of January 2009, after several years in exile, he returned to Zimbabwe to join a debate within the MDC to decide whether or not to agree to the power-sharing government with Mugabe.^[5] After the MDC ultimately agreed to share power with ZANU-PF, Morgan Tsvangirai designated Bennett as Deputy Minister of Agriculture on 10 February 2009.^[6] On 13 February, he was arrested again while trying to (legally) leave Zimbabwe on a private plane at Charles Prince Airport. He was brought to police stations in Goromonzi and Mutare on that day, and is said to have suffered an attempt to drown him on the way there.^[7] He was charged with treason,^[8] and the MDC reported that he had been denied food in jail.^[9] Charges were later replaced with 'conspiring to acquire arms with a view to disrupting essential services'.^[10] When a magistrate ordered Bennett released, the magistrate himself was arrested because "he has passed a judgment that is not popular with the state", and was charged with criminal abuse of office.^[11] Bennett was released from remand prison on 12 March 2009, but was ordered back on 14 October 2009.^[12] On 16 October 2009, Judge Hungwe instructed the prison to release Roy Bennett on his old bail conditions.
On Monday May 10, 2010 Roy Bennett was acquitted on charges that he tried to overthrow the government

Lonely Sentinels - Cathy Buckle

My son was 8 years old when we were forced off our Marondera farm by war
veterans and Zanu PF youths in September 2000. Richard does not remember
those very traumatic months that we lived alongside the men who had
invaded our farm. Men who were far too young to have been veterans of
war; youths who were almost always drunk, drugged, abusive and
threatening. Camped in a paddock within sight of our house, a rabble took
over our lives, claimed the farm field by field, destroyed our business,
livelihood and pension and finally chased us out of our home. For a long
time I have been very glad that Richard does not remember that
frightening, horrible time but that all changed this week when I phoned
him one morning. Richie said he couldn't talk just then because he
was on his way to help a friend who was being evicted from his farm and
had been given until 3 that afternoon to get out.

My heart was in my mouth at the thought of another family going through
the devastating anguish of being forced out of their home.

With just hours in which to pack and move a home and business of a
lifetime, I knew that this Mother and her son would need all the help
they could get. Before long, like Richard, I was rushing to help and it
took me back in time to that bad place that holds only fear and painful
memories. Just a few kilometres out of Marondera town, down a bumpy,
winding, dust road through the most magnificent Msasa woodland adorned in
glorious spring leaves, I followed my son's vehicle. We travelled
for a dozen kilometres and saw no one and nothing: no ploughed fields, no
sheep or cattle, no crops or greenhouses. A line of fence posts caught my
eye: standing in a perfectly straight line they had once been a paddock
or a boundary but the wire was all gone and the poles stood as lonely
sentinels watching over these deserted, seized farms.

Arriving at the farm of my son's friend, the hairs on the back of
my neck stood up as soon as I stepped out of my vehicle. Sitting on
stumps and broken plastic chairs under a covered carport a few metres
from the house were the land invaders. A tatty rabble they were. Half a
dozen of them, mostly youngsters and openly drinking at 11 in the
morning; one swigging from a $4 bottle of Vladinoff Vodka, others
drinking beer out of cut off plastic bottles. One was drumming and they
were singing crude versions of Chimurenga songs whose lyrics had been
changed to: They are coming to move you out. By 3 this afternoon this
will be our house. We are happy you are going. We are getting our land. I
recognized one of the men, a scruffy layabout with dreadlocks who hangs
around car parks. And these were to be our farmers, I thought with
contempt. I did not meet their eyes or respond to their begging calls for
cigarettes.

I hugged the woman who was losing her home today but we did not talk,
there are no words. All day we worked removing curtains and pictures,
emptying drawers and cupboards, loading our vehicles with another
destroyed life. Eight years ago half this farm was given to the Zimbabwe
government but bit by bit they took more and now this bunch outside
wanted it all. Wearing broken green plastic flip flops and woolly hats
even in the 25 degree heat, they were determined they were going to have
this house, and they were going to have it today.

The Police did not come, would not come, because this, they said, was
political, not criminal. As 3pm came and went, tempers flared and the
invaders moved into the garden and then some even into the living room.
The farmer's dogs, chained under a shady tree whined and whimpered
as they couldn't protect their owners. A beautiful brown and white
cat lay on the floor in the bedroom surrounded by boxes, piles,
suitcases, coat hangers.

As the shadows lengthened and with the red setting sun in our eyes I
followed my son's vehicle away from his friends farm for the last
time. The dust was thick and choking and I felt tears burning my eyes.
How can this be? 10 years after it happened to us, it is still going on.
Nothing has changed; no attempt to stop the destruction of agriculture;
no response from the Police; no respect for Title Deeds, property rights
or even a family's private home.

Who in their right mind would dream of investing in Zimbabwe when a bunch
of arbitrary drunken thugs can get away with something like this because
it is political. Is this Zanu PF politics or Unity Government politics?
Until next time, thanks for reading, love Cathy.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff.

On my personal development journey I came across a book called, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson. I read it and really enjoyed it.  I am now re-reading it as I find myself in need of some inspiration, motivation and guidance as I continue my journey.

About the book:

"So many of us would like to live our lives in a calmer and less stressful way, and be able to ket go of our problems.  Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it is all small stuff shows you how to stop letting the little things in life drive you crazy.  In 136 short essays, Dr. Richard Carlson teaches us, in his gentle and encouraging style, simple strategies for living a more fulfilled and peaceful life.  We can all learn to put things in perspective by making the small daily changes he suggests, including advise such as:

• As yourself this question, 'Will this matter in a year from now?'
• Do something nice for someone else and don't tell anyone about it.
• Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair
• Remember that when you die your 'in' box won't be empty

With these thoughtful and supportive suggestions, Dr. Carlson reveals ways to make your actions more peaceful and caring, and encourages you to trust your intuitions so that you live each day as it might be your last"

Zim Vigil - September 2010

Zimbabwean exiles are to protest outside the Zimbabwe Embassy in London on Saturday 19^th September at the failure of Mugabe’s Zanu PF regime to honour the power-sharing agreement with the opposition Movement for Democratic Change.

The occasion marks the expiry of a 30-day deadline set last month by the Southern African Development Community (SADC) for the implementation of outstanding issues in the agreement, which was signed two years ago this month. Mugabe has treated the deadline with contempt, confident that SADC will not put muscle behind its ultimatum.

Demonstrators wearing mourning bands will carry placards to the nearby South African High Commission demanding that President Zuma pressures Mugabe to accept his obligations and allows freedom for Zimbabwe.

The demonstration is organised by the Zimbabwe Vigil which has been protesting outside the Zimbabwe Embassy since 2002 in support of demands for free and fair elections in Zimbabwe.

Date:                   
Saturday 19^th September 2010 from 2 – 6 pm.

Venues:               
Zimbabwe Embassy and South African High Commission, Trafalgar Square
.

Contact:              
Rose Benton (07970 996 003 / 07932 193 467), Dumi Tutani (07960 039 775),                              

Protest Poster:    
Two years since sell-out agreement to form Zimbabwean unity government

                            Result

·           No rule of law

·           Continued human rights abuses

·           No democracy

·           Unemployment at 90%

·           No media freedom

·           Tyrant Mugabe still in power

·           Looting of blood diamonds

So long, good bye.

I sit here now and I try to remember the person that I fell in love with.


He always made me smile.


He had the ability to make me laugh.


He loved me for me (or so I thought).

I was so in love with him.


I thought he was amazing.


I allowed myself to dream about getting old with him.

That person has long gone.

In his place is someone who has the ability to get me into such a state that I vomit, cry and shake.


In his place is a person that doesn’t think twice about sending me abusive texts.


In his place is a person who won’t leave me alone even though I have asked and told him to.


In his place is a person who thinks that he can get me to do what he wants me to by bullying, threatening and pushing me.


I sit here now and I am thankful that I have finally seen him for who he really is.


I sit here now and I mourn the person I loved


I sit here now and I despise the person that he has become.

Decisions

It’s easy to say things in the heat of the moment but when you find yourself in the situation that you tried to avoid, and when you know you need to make a decision that will impact your life no matter what decision you make, it is a very different story.

My head and my heart are in constant debate. Do I follow I head and do what is the quick and easiest thing for everyone or do I follow my heart and do what I think is morally right even though I know it will be hard?


You might think that I have ‘fucked your life up’ but you don’t appear to give a dam about what I am going through at the moment so your thoughts, feelings and concerns are the least of my worries right now.


I feel so silly, ashamed and foolish that I didn’t learn from my previous mistake as I am in this situation again b but I am praying and I know that God will help me make the right decision.

If only...

If only I could talk about my feelings,

If only you didn't always have to be right,

If only I wasn't so hormonal at the moment,

If only you didn't like to argue,

If only I listened as much as you talked,

If only I didn't give up on us so easily,

If only you just said sorry,

If only I was a heartless, selfish cow,

If only you didn't say what you did,

If only I hadn't hurt you,

If only you didn't break my heart,

If only I was brave enough to tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you,

If only you would tell me that I didn't have to go through this alone and that everything would be ok.

If only....

Fuck it!

The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me.

I have found myself being pulled over to the dark side again and just getting out of bed in the morning has been a mission in itself.


I hate feeling like this but I am determined to beat it as I refuse to go back onto my meds. I have been med free for 8 months now and I intend to keep it that way.


I really wish that I could just say fuck it when things/people get to me but I can’t. I seem to take things to heart and I get really upset which doesn’t help much when you are inclined to have fruit loop tendencies.


WORK
I have been worrying about work. There was a time when we thought they were going to go into administration but that has been put on hold while Management negotiate with the bank(s). I don’t like not knowing where I stand and I don’t like being unemployed as I need to work to support my noo’s. We were told to carry on as normal and that they would let us know what is happening but that doesn’t stop you worrying and praying that they have enough money in the bank to pay you come pay day!


FAMILY
My so called family have hurt me a great deal this year and I find that I have been distancing myself from them as I just can’t be dealing with it anymore. I often wish that things were different as I feel so’ooo alone here and it’s a really horrible feeling.


BOYFRIEND
I broke up with my boyfriend on Monday. I didn’t want to but I felt as though I had too as I didn’t like the mind games and I didn’t want to be made to feel like a piece of shit again. People seem to think that because you brake up with someone that you are ok with it but that isn’t always the case. I thought that I’d made the right decision but if I did then why am I doubting myself and why does it hurt so so much?!


FRIENDS
I feel as though I am the one that always has to make the effort and I am sick of it. I don’t feel that I have any close friends anymore (here in the UK or anywhere) and I spend a lot of my time feeling so alone and it sux! I also found out that someone, who I thought was a good friend, was slagging me off behind my back but I don’t like confrontation so I haven’t said anything. I do believe in what you give out you get back so it’s only a matter of time.........!


After completely loosing the plot lost year I think that I have done really well and that I have come so far. I just need to get over this little hump and I need to start focusing on the things and people that are important to me – fuck the rest!