Monday, 27 September 2010

What to do when your world falls apart

When suffering a setback, you get a rush of thoughts and emotions and try everything to stop them, but they keep flooding in. Try this simple five-step process for a potentially rapid recovery from emotional shock.

First feel
Give yourself time to really feel what you're feeling. We're socialised to block out our emotions, to pretend that we're not hurt, scared, angry etc. and so we habitually don't' give ourselves the space to be real with what's happening to us.

This makes things worse, because the only way to free yourself of an emotion is to feel it fully. Pushing it down just makes it grow. So take time out and really allow yourself to feel. It may be scary but keep at it. It's the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Then, adjust your mindset
"Remember that all setbacks are there to help you learn and grow" says Dr. Lisa Turner of
Psycademy, a specialist in personal transformation. "So as your emotions ease off, start asking yourself some empowering questions."

She suggests:
How can I change this?
What do I need to learn from this?
How can I use this situation to grow bigger than this problem?

"Everything that happens has its root cause somewhere in the past" says Dr Lisa. "Ask the right questions and you can move away from being 'problem focused' to feeling OK, no matter what's going on."

Trust in the power of trust
Try developing a sense of trust that all is well. It takes practice and perseverance. Be warned: your ego mind is going to put up a fight! It wants to see problems everywhere and keep you 'small.'

What makes conscious people the happy folk they are is that they believe - and know through direct experience - that despite appearances, everything is unfolding just as it needs to. You will recover.

Look for the hidden opportunity
The late Napoleon Hill, an American expert in positive mental attitude, said that opportunity usually comes disguised as a setback. So dig a bit deeper and find the hidden opportunity. Meditation can help.

"If you do this, you'll be one of a rare set of people who do – and those rare few end up being the successful ones" says Dr Lisa.

Get expert support
Consider doing some personal development work to improve your emotional resilience. Just like exercising to get a better body, you can boost your emotional and mental strength with therapy and/or coaching, which is specifically designed to move
you forward.

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